I Am Annoyed By What You Are Saying

I am annoyed with the words we are using. I am irked by the sentences we are constructing and the phrases that we over use and over. I'm sick of our syntax, and frustrated with the way in which we use our language to not say the things that need to be said, or to say nothing at all.

Those of us in the working world understand what I am describing, within the context of professional communication. Who hasn't said or heard:

Circle back

As per your email

Hope you are well

Touch base

Innovative

Outside the box

Right sizing

Checking back in, following up

Wear a lot of hats

Brainstorm

Unpack

Develop a task force

Come to Jesus

Hearing these words and phrases feels like being on a road trip with my kids, listening to Hits 1 on XM radio for hours on end. While I despise everything I hear, over time I find I'm eventually singing along to the tune, and convincing myself that there is meaning behind the empty sentences, and depth to the lyrics. Or at least, it is comfortably mind numbing, catchy and easy to repeat without having to really think about what I am hearing or saying.

The pandemic has created a new set of overused and irksome words and phrases invading our lives. Who hasn't said or heard:

Social distance

These are uncertain and unprecedented times

Essential worker

I can't hear you

Hop on a Zoom call

Can you use the chat box

You're on Mute

Mute yourself

Drive by birthday

Virtual

New normal

Sanitize

In Quarantine

In Isolation

Mask up

Hope this message finds you healthy and well

We are all in this together

Sometimes finding the words that truly reflect our thoughts is really hard, and we find ourselves saying the same words, in the same way, over and over, as a way to avoid putting the work into our communication, to protect others from what we really want to share, or avoid saying what we are thinking and feeling because of the reaction or the consequences. Lately, some of our over-used dialogue is triggering to me, pushing to to the brink of saying, either, "Shut Your Mouth, Melissa!" Or, "Can you stop saying that to me? Like, right now? Thanks."

How are you?

Are you seriously fu@king asking me this question? Do you really want an answer? No, you do not or if you do, grab a drink, your headphones, and mute yourself because I am going to let the flood gates open. This question elicits discussing emotions and feelings, and I either have too many to share in the 10 seconds you allocated for my response, or I am trying to numb myself from feeling them and have nothing to say.

How am I? Ummmm. I have no idea or I have too many ideas. Either way, are you ready to commit the time to unpack the answer with me? Consider greeting me from now on with, "Hey." That's it. Marie Kondo it and keep it simple. Sometimes just acknowledging our existence is enough.

Hang in there.

Ok- after I answer, "How are you?" and hearing my sad response, this is the most common response I receive. As someone who has experienced depression, and overcame suicidal ideations, this phrase causes me to internally cringe because I think of a rope and my death, or me hanging onto the edge of a cliff by my finger tips. For me, this phrase is code for, "Well, good fu@king luck to you and your sorry ass. You barely have your shit together, you never have, and you never will. I'm not quite sure what you should do so, byyyyeee!"

I know I seem like a basket case, and you hope I can hang onto my sanity, even though I have been grasping my whole life. But, sometimes I am slipping more than usual and I could use your support, not your sympathy. Why not ask, "Anything I can do right now to help?" Some of my friends are super stars at this, which is why I am still alive. Don't leave me hanging. Let's pull one another off of the edge and back onto solid ground.

You got this! To all of the positive people in my life, stop.this.one.right.now. Stop it. Right now. This pandemic is not mile 20 of a marathon, and your funny and heartfelt signs and clanking cowbell are not what I need to push over the wall and run to the finish line. I don't "got it" and guess what? Neither do you. None of us really knows what the fu@k we are doing, and we are all desperate for control like we are desperate to hoard paper towels, toilet paper and Clorox wipes.

Don't coach me right now. Don't hand me a little cup of water and cheer me along the way, as I stumble and cry. Put away your cowbell. Put away the sign of encouragement.

Make space for me. Hold me in your heart and lift me up.

Please, hold space for me. I don't need reinforcement that I am a superhero- who can do this alone. I need you to listen to me. Hear my struggle. Absorb it and reflect back with your love. That's it.

All lives matter. Bang head here.

Don't let this phrase escape from your lips in my presence, or make its way to my eyes. I am disgusted by the hatred you emit to the universe, and I pity you for your insecurity. Listen to me: you are no less of a person because you can do a better job of rising up and supporting others. Your life will matter when you decide to make a difference in the lives of others.

You can do better. I can do better. Let's do better together.

It is what it is.

This one has been bunching my panties forever but it is the end all be all of the COVID-era. Saying this is our white flag, it reflect our exasperation, and exhaustion. These words state our defeat and deflect our responsibility. We say these words in response to shutting down a conversation about the work we need to do when the going gets rough. We say this when we choose not to lean in, but to lean away. There are no dead ends but there are many choices. Saying, "It is what it is" is a giant fu@king cop out.

I couldn't have felt any stronger about my reaction to the phrase when Donald Trump used it in response to being questioned a bout the astronomical number of American who have died of COVID. So, when Michelle Obama eloquently and powerfully slammed Donald Trump during the Democratic National Convention over his cop out, it reminded me that people are going to be terribly, shitty human beings, who are full of hatred. And while that is what it is, we must never forget, when they go low, we go high.

In conclusion, during these unprecedented times, I hope that you will have a come to Jesus with yourself, circle back to what matters to you, and reach out to the world around you. Jump on a call and touch base with your friends, family and colleagues. Check in and follow up on your loved ones. You may not know this, but you are essential to all the lives that matter to you, and many lives you never know you have impacted, and have the potential to impact in the future. And never forget, if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you. We are all in this together. You got this!

Until we speak again, hang in there.

Also,

Black Lives Matter.

Love is Love.

VOTE!!!!!