It's Hard to Have Answers for Your Kid in a Pandemic

I don't believe in lying to my children. It can cause some awkward conversations, like when I'm asked what Mommy and Daddy were doing in the shower or why Mommy is feeling sick after a night out at the big fundraising gala. I've talked to my kids about topics from God and sex, death, assault, the patriarchy, racism, and my own struggles with an eating disorder, anxiety and depression. No topic is off topic in my house.

My mom and I will often get into debates when we are co-parenting my kids. When younger, if the kids wanted to go outside and play alone, my mom would tell them that there was a bear outside that would eat them. She may decide to tell them a stork delivered them to my doorstep or that they couldn't swim alone because a troll lived under the bridge at the lake. I may err on the side of telling them they might get hit by a car and die, they came out of my vagina, and they could drown if they swim alone. I have to laugh because this direct way of speaking comes from my mom, who clearly has decided to soften her approach to "fairy-tale style" as a grandparent. I know I'll never forget that her response to my 13-year old self asking her if I was pretty was, "Well, you're not ugly."

My internal truth-monitor is strong. I want to be told the truth. I have a hard time not being truthful to others in return. I have a reputation for saying what I think and everyone braces themselves with a big breath when I speak or my kids tell me, "I have a question!" because my automatic response is, "I have an answer!" But who knows what my answer will be! I am ready when my kids ask me questions and, because I believe in honesty, I'm comfortable with letting them know when I don't have the answer. Thanks to my academic training as a researcher, and the internet, I feel confident about showing my kids the way to find the answers. I'm also excited when the way to answers creates more questions.

What's the Big Bang? I'm on it.

Where does rain come from? Bring it on.

What's a suffragette? Let's do this.

What happened on 9/11? Sit down. We need to talk.

Does a penis grow? How do you use a tampon? Welcome to the fold, my Little Woman. Join me around the fire at the next full moon and we shall speak of the secrets in the shadows.

Was Jesus real? Let us proclaim the mystery of faith.

Will I go to school this fall? Ummmm...

How are you going to take care of me when you go back of your school? Errrrrr....

Can our dog and the cats get the virus? I don't think so but....

When will I get to hug my friends again? Sigh.

2020 has produced a hell of a lot of questions and I don't have answers to any of them- and it turns out that nobody else does either. It causes a lot of anxiety, of course. The internet is a breeding ground for misinformation. The experts are barely a baby step ahead of what is happening. Most of us are experiencing this year like we would a strong and powerful earthquake with a million aftershocks. The way to answers has created too many questions to comprehend.

I have just a few concrete answers.

Is Donald Trump ruining our country? YES!

Can hydrocloroloquine cure COVID? Likely no. Please don't drink bleach.

Will a mask protect others from my germs? Yes, I know they suck but you should wear one.

What's a Karen? Sit down. Let me bring up YouTube.

And, I'm going to be honest, even if I don't know where to find the answers.

Could you die from the coronavirus? Yes.

Can I die from the coronavirus? Yes.

Am I going to go back to school? I don't know.

Is it safe for me to go to school or see my friends? I don't know.

What happens if you lose your job? I don't know.

Can we still go back to school shopping and get me a backpack even if we don't go to school? Ask your dad.

Is everything going to be ok? I don't know.

When will this end? I don't know.

Are you scared? I am.

I'm so fucking scared, baby.

But, I can tell you one thing that I know is 100% true. I will always love you and no pandemic will ever change that.