Social Media and the Town Stoning

Social media is the modern, town square stoning.

Social media makes it hard for people to hide behind their horrible, often illegal behavior, and makes it impossible for us to ignore what we witness. It increases accountability. It propels movements and joins us together in action against injustice. It has shaped our world. It is a place to be seen and heard. This is good.

Our posts are fleeting but our impact is eternal. A time stamped story or disappearing ink "snap" is seemingly ephemeral in nature yet as detrimentally enduring as a plastic bag in a landfill.

Through social media, we wield power and we take control. We decide what to say, to whom we want to say it, and curate content to amplify our message. I have personally benefited from these platforms. I have something I want to say. Social media has allowed me to share in ways I’ve never been able to before, and with those whom I’d never have spoken with about these topics. I find meaning in telling you what I think, feel, see (and sometimes eat), and in you connecting to my words, inspiring you to make meaning by finding your own words or delving deeper into what you see or feel. If you don’t like we you see or read from me, you can unfriend, unfollow or hide me. I can do the same.

It’s as easy, casual, and simple as it is difficult, complex, and complicated.

You are absorbing my values, beliefs and decisions, and I am yours. And then, we are contextualizing all of it, distilling it, and making judgments.

We all do it.

In Why Judging Others is a Natural Instinct, psychologist Amy Cuddy explains that we make split second judgements for two reasons: trust and respect. She also shares that we judge others appearance, sociability and even morality, which tie to our need to feel safe and secure as a means of survival. She also notes the use of media as a primary platform for judgement.

This should come to no shock to you and it did not for me. We all scroll and judge.

Did she gain weight?

The timing of this post is before 5pm. Should he be posting during working hours?

Should she really have a glass of wine that full in her hand?

I’d never let my kid wear that to the prom.

She just posted her latest run, again. Obsess much?

Where did they get the money for a fancy vacation?

Social media is our bully pulpit. I’ve been unwavering and unabashedly brazen this year, pontificating even more than usual. It became my mission to blast out Donald Trump hate as much as possible. Why did I do this? Was it anger? Perhaps fear.

I’ve noticed an uptick in opinion posts in my social feeds which many, like my own, are passionately fueled by fear and uncertainty, especially about COVID.

We are scared, so, so scared. We don't know who to trust. We are angry because we know that people are not following simple steps, like wearing a mask, washing their hands, and staying home. Experts tell us these tactics save lives. It's not complicated and our small sacrifices make a huge difference.

Every time we see numbers creep up or we learn of an unnecessary death, we want to scream at the top of our lungs: Make it stop!

You. You make it stop.

We each play a role in knocking this virus at the knees and taking back our lives. It’s our obligation as humans to save humanity.

We want to shake the shoulders of the mask-less offenders and cause pain to the conspiracy theorists who deny the severity of the pandemic. We are so angry, we may even want to march them to the town square and throw the first stone. We want them to feel ashamed. We no longer throw physical stones but we throw metaphorical ones on the internet.

We have lost trust in one another. I don't know where you have been or if you washed your hands. I don't know if you feel sick or healthy. I've been trained to interact with you like you have COVID.

We have lost respect for one another. I'm disgusted when I see someone wearing a mask under their nose. I met a mom and we had a good chat about the weather and our kids. Then she proudly shared that she never wears a mask in a store, enjoys making retail employees uncomfortable and suggested I dose up on vitamins, and stop worrying about contracting COVID. I avoid her now as much as possible.

We are tired of this pandemic, this virus. Our frontline healthcare professionals save us from ourselves. Our essential workers risk their lives while we continue to make bad decisions. Our teachers have spent night after night without sleep to prepare for every teaching scenario possible to then contract the virus for stepping into the classroom. Working this way is not sustainable. Industries are crushed. Jobs have disappeared. Dreams have shattered. People are dead; people we know; people we trust; people we respect; people we love.

These are all good reasons for passing judgment. I am doing it, too. If not an essential worker, I can't help but wonder what blunder someone made that led to their illness. I can later tell myself that my doubt of others is immature or petty but my survival depends on my instinctual ability to discerningly judge, or so my lizard brain tells me.

As much as I’m afraid of contracting COVID, I’m afraid to tell you. What will you think of me? I’m not an essential worker. I’m no hero. Will you think I am anti-mask? Will you look back at my feed and see me at an event, and not at my home? Will you count the number of plates in my Christmas dinner table pic? Will you wonder if I’m the one you heard hosted a sleepover party or went to that super spreader wedding? Will you be shocked because I seem like a rule follower or will you be disappointed in my lack of judgement? Will you no longer trust me? Will you lose respect for me?

Then, will you forgive me?

I confess I have done more of the former and less of the latter but our positive case numbers are going up around me, and I sure as hell hope my recent COVID test comes back negative, but I can't promise it will.