A Poem to a Pill

I avoided you for forty years 

with the exception of that magic pill 

that gave me the power to bleed and birth 

on my own terms.

Headaches, toothaches, or aches in general,

need not be cured by you.

A few times you got the best of me and you were right there-

because, let's be honest, not even a super woman can fight inflammation 

or bacteria alone.

Well, ok, I can't lie

because I swallowed a few pills in my time

and drank my share of chemical stimulants, too

looking for euphoria-

or at least an escape

from reality.

We are a pill popping, chemical dependent society. What happened to grit and perseverance?

The media judged, and forgot history

laudanum,

morphine,

and heroin,

not to mention Love Potion Number #9-

yours through a Sears catalog.

Take that 20th century.

How's that for grit?

I joined our judgmental society. Plus, my body knew, 

subconsciously,

that you and I are just not meant to be.

I will not be a number

and I sure as hell won't cop out

to society-

copping out,

hiding women's fight for equality

under the guise

of an hysterical tendency.

Yet, one day, I found myself 

at the bottom of the well 

or was it a room of yellow wallpaper? 

I can no longer remember

how I got to that hell.

I thought maybe I'd been fighting myself all along 

for no reason at all,

other than to hurt myself,

or lash out at society

because, when women are really heard, and truly seen-

maybe they don't need

chemical dependency.

Stop fighting with yourself, I was urged.

Think about yourself,

and not your place in society.

So, I acquiesced and found myself

in a very different reality.

But now, my body and my mind

are in a battle of the wills

and some days I don't know what came first,

the chicken

or the egg.

I just want to go back to the old me

but then again,

I am not even sure-

who was she?

Is that who I really want to be?

Listen, I'm not judging you

because what is right for you

may not be right for me. 

And the verdict is still out-

because I still can't take popping a pill

lightly.